Tuesday, October 18, 2011

.... My body and the stress I put on it.

This has been on my mind a lot. During my husbands year long deployment my self esteem was tested. We joined the Family Y just a month before he left last summer. For a woman of my height I have never been over weight or fat, and when I first got married I was 15 lbs heavier then I am now!  I never had confidence issues then, or felt discouraged about the way I looked. My wedding day almost 7 years ago. <--  After having two kids, I have a harder time loving my body. I thank God so much for the wonderful DNA he has given me that I don't gain much weight during pregnancy and am able to lose it quickly after giving birth. But it is hard to love a body that doesn't make you happy. I know there isn't anything not to love and I have just been brain washed by the media. I was a model before I got married, which I think is another reason I have a time hard on my body. Even with all the changes they make on picture in different editing programs you still have to look perfect just to get a job. Something that no one in the real world looks like.  

 An ad from DOVE

Why can't we grow up getting images like this one, showing that woman are all different and we all look amazing.

While he was gone I missed out on hearing verbal affirmation of how I looked (one of my love languages) I missed hearing "Babe you look great in that" or "I have one sexy wife" yes I know that may sound corny and cheesy, but you try not hearing it for a year, it changed the way I felt about myself. I didn't feel good enough or sexy. I craved hearing complements. (writing that sounds very vain and selfish but it is true and how I felt)

This was taken at my best weight, after the Military Mud run in May 2011. I weighed 138. If I could keep this body I would be happy. But how many things in our lives as Moms change, and don't make it easy to have the body we want and desire. I knew after my husband returned home it would be tough, I gained 10 while he was on leave last month. I was able to eat whatever I wanted while we was gone. Also eat smaller portions more often during the day, I think that helped me stay fit. 

I wanted this!

 But felt more like this!

I don't want to teach my own daughter that what you see on TV is the way she should look in the mirror, these people have personal trainers lots of money and nanny's for there kids. I want her to look at me and see her mom that is healthy and fit and proud of her body. To teach her that we should spend time on our body keeping it in shape and healthy, but what really matters is what is inside, how we treat others, the world and how we give back. How do I do that if I am not there yet for myself? Day by day! 

Why do we always make it hard for ourselves then it needs to be?! Measuring and pinching different parts of our bodies. Why is it that we can't seem to be happy with the body God gave us and treat it well and feed it good food? I hope I can teach my daughter to be happy with her body no matter how she turns out to be, as long as she is healthy too! 

I don't feel like this is done, but this is what I have for now. 

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