Friday, January 2, 2015

Aiden's Birth Story. Part 1. The long road.

FYI- I am not a english major, almost never got great remarks on my English papers, I do not use commas, periods, or quotes accordingly. I did reread this and try my best to correct any errors. I know there are more. Please do not judge me on them. If something is really off please comment below or email me, maybe I missed it. :)

Family pictures just before we found out. 

For me, my birth story started almost three years ago. When my husband was deployed during 2010-2011 we had talked about trying to expand our little family when he returned home. His 2 week R&R just happened to be prefect timing to try to get pregnant. We had a wonderful vacation and time together as a family. I got pregnant! But shortly after he left to go back, I had a miscarriage. I was heart broken. I was so sad, I felt as if I had lost a great love, a child I had been loving for months, not days. I was so surprised about how deeply broken I was feeling. It wasn't to much longer till my husband came home for good, we talked about what had happened and decided that since he had been gone for a year maybe we should just spend some time together as a family the way it was. Almost another year went by, spring of 2012 we were moving from the East coast to the South west. I had a busy summer, of flying home, getting our new home put together, and then driving back to TN to be with my best friend while she had her new baby girl. When the kids and I returned I told my husband that I still had a desire to have more kids and wanted to try again for a baby. So that August we began to try a conceive again. I thought for sure it wouldn’t take us long, as it never took long in the past. Between August and June of 2013 I had three miscarriages. Those months for me where awful, I was torn apart each time I heard about a friend getting pregnant, I cried many times and even became jealous of family and friends having more babies then me. I came to understand the feelings of those friends I had, that could not get pregnant and had been trying for years longer then me. The heart break that they felt and the many nights they must have cried them selves to sleep, that longing desire to be a parent that is never had never been filled. I remember very distinctively my last miscarriage, Erica had woken both my husband and I up in the middle of the night because she had thrown up, We went to clean it up and I felt very uneasy all of a sudden, I felt as if my heart had sank. I ran to the bathroom and had sadly realized what had happened. I tried to keep it together, and push my feeling aside, as if there was nothing was wrong and I was ok. I helped finish cleaning and put the kids back to bed, but when I went back to bed, I fell apart and cried. At the time husband put his hand on my shoulder, but I wanted much more, I felt alone and broken, unable to do the one thing my body was supposed to do. I couldn't take it any longer, I wanted the pain, the desire and the longing for more to be gone. As I cried, I prayed quietly to myself, asking God to take it all away. I didn't want it any longer, I wanted to be free from the pain I was constantly feeling. Of course it wasn’t instantly gone, as the days and weeks went on I felt better and lighter in my sprit. The desire to have more children was still in my heart, but the pain I would get from seeing others announce their joy was gone. In July I decided to go talk to my Dr and find out if there was anything causing me to not get pregnant. We took a blood test and a urine sample so that they could test for any possible factors. Two weeks later at my next check up she told me, You are a very healthy young lady and all my tests came back negative for any issues and for a woman in a monogamous relationship I have no idea what is causing this inability to get pregnant. So she recommended I go to a specialist. I would have to drive over an hour one way to see a specialist, so we thought we would wait till after our summer vacation to make any decisions. Later that summer the kids, my Dad, and I drove home to spend a month with family and friends, my husband would join us later. One day while at church with my parents, I ended up talking to our pastor about what we had been through and how I was feeling, we prayed together and I went on my with my Sunday, not really think much of it, as it had been a long journey and I guess my Faith wasn't so strong to think that this one prayer was going to make much of a difference. I went and picked my husband up at the airport for our last week home, it had been three weeks since we had seen each other so we spent some time together alone, and then got ready for our kids birthday party the next day. September 18th we had family pictures with both sides of our families. I had this kinda painful crampy stomache ache that night, a trigger went off in my head and I knew something special was going on in my body. My son had got sick with a nasty bug that made him loose his voice, and by the end of the week when we were getting ready to pack up to drive back home, the bug had gotten to us all, I was the last one and the kids seemed to already be on the mend. 48 hours later we were back home, all happy but very tired. A week later I was still feeling off, stuffy, tired, coughy, just not myself. Thought it was strange that I was still feeling sick when everyone else had quickly gotten over what they had. In my mind I was already thinking and hoping about what it could be, but I didn't want to feel that pain again if I was just getting my hopes up for something that wasn't real, so I kept my feelings to myself. I still had another two weeks till I could even take a test to find out. (I have long cycles) So each week that went by felt like forever, just waiting to see if I would start my period, maybe have another miscarriage or wait long enough to see a positive test result. October 1st came around and though I was trying my hardest to wait one more day My husband talked me into taking the pregnancy test that night before bed, and well of course you know what the results were! I was so thrilled to see that positive pregnancy stick.

I started the process of getting my Dr. apointments and finding an OB/gyn. Since my PCM couldn't deliver my baby, at the time I decided to find a physician who could. I went on the search for someone who would let me labor and deliver the way I wanted, plus understood why I was making some choices about shots, delayed cord cutting, skin to skin contact, no pitocin, etc.. While looking for an OB I was also looking into hiring a midwife, because I had a desire to have a home birth. It was not easy figuring them out, and my insurance coverage. After much frustration I found out my insurance would not pay for any midwife that did home births here in Santa fe. So in October I started seeing a highly recommended OB here in town that had the reputation of being very natural and open to new medical information. At that time I was only being seen once a month, but by January I already knew this was not the right match for me. I felt like I was being looked down upon, treated like a new mom, and the things I asked to take place were 'unethical'. So I was on another journey to find out what I should do. About three week later I found out our insurance wasn't covering the OB I was seeing, so I canceled my next apt. with the OB and held off until I new what to do. (Long story, not needed for this story) Part 2 click here

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