FYI- I am not a english major, almost never got great remarks on my English papers, I do not use commas, periods, or quotes accordingly. I did reread this and try my best to correct any errors. I know there are more. Please do not judge me on them. If something is really off please comment below or email me, maybe I missed it. :)
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| Family pictures just before we found out. |
For
me, my birth story started almost three years ago. When my husband
was deployed during 2010-2011 we had talked about trying to expand
our little family when he returned home. His 2 week R&R just
happened to be prefect timing to try to get pregnant. We had a
wonderful vacation and time together as a family. I got pregnant! But
shortly after he left to go back, I had a miscarriage. I was heart
broken. I was so sad, I felt as if I had lost a great love, a child I
had been loving for months, not days. I was so surprised about how
deeply broken I was feeling. It wasn't to much longer till my husband
came home for good, we talked about what had happened and decided
that since he had been gone for a year maybe we should just spend
some time together as a family the way it was. Almost another year
went by, spring of 2012 we were moving from the East coast to the
South west. I had a busy summer, of flying home, getting our new home
put together, and then driving back to TN to be with my best friend
while she had her new baby girl. When the kids and I returned I told
my husband that I still had a desire to have more kids and wanted to
try again for a baby. So that August we began to try a conceive
again. I thought for sure it wouldn’t take us long, as it never
took long in the past. Between August and June of 2013 I had three
miscarriages. Those months for me where awful, I was torn apart each
time I heard about a friend getting pregnant, I cried many times and
even became jealous of family and friends having more babies then me.
I came to understand the feelings of those friends I had, that could
not get pregnant and had been trying for years longer then me. The
heart break that they felt and the many nights they must have cried
them selves to sleep, that longing desire to be a parent that is
never had never been filled. I remember very distinctively my last
miscarriage, Erica had woken both my husband and I up in the middle
of the night because she had thrown up, We went to clean it up and I
felt very uneasy all of a sudden, I felt as if my heart had sank. I
ran to the bathroom and had sadly realized what had happened. I tried
to keep it together, and push my feeling aside, as if there was
nothing was wrong and I was ok. I helped finish cleaning and put the
kids back to bed, but when I went back to bed, I fell apart and
cried. At the time husband put his hand on my shoulder, but I wanted
much more, I felt alone and broken, unable to do the one thing my
body was supposed to do. I couldn't take it any longer, I wanted the
pain, the desire and the longing for more to be gone. As I cried, I
prayed quietly to myself, asking God to take it all away. I didn't
want it any longer, I wanted to be free from the pain I was
constantly feeling. Of course it wasn’t instantly gone, as the days
and weeks went on I felt better and lighter in my sprit. The desire
to have more children was still in my heart, but the pain I would get
from seeing others announce their joy was gone. In July I decided to
go talk to my Dr and find out if there was anything causing me to not
get pregnant. We took a blood test and a urine sample so that they
could test for any possible factors. Two weeks later at my next check
up she told me, You are a very healthy young lady and all my tests
came back negative for any issues and for a woman in a monogamous
relationship I have no idea what is causing this inability to get
pregnant. So she recommended I go to a specialist. I would have to
drive over an hour one way to see a specialist, so we thought we
would wait till after our summer vacation to make any decisions.
Later that summer the kids, my Dad, and I drove home to spend a month
with family and friends, my husband would join us later. One day
while at church with my parents, I ended up talking to our pastor
about what we had been through and how I was feeling, we prayed
together and I went on my with my Sunday, not really think much of
it, as it had been a long journey and I guess my Faith wasn't so
strong to think that this one prayer was going to make much of a
difference. I went and picked my husband up at the airport for our
last week home, it had been three weeks since we had seen each other
so we spent some time together alone, and then got ready for our kids
birthday party the next day. September 18th we had family
pictures with both sides of our families. I had this kinda painful
crampy stomache ache that night, a trigger went off in my head and I
knew something special was going on in my body. My son had got sick
with a nasty bug that made him loose his voice, and by the end of the
week when we were getting ready to pack up to drive back home, the
bug had gotten to us all, I was the last one and the kids seemed to
already be on the mend. 48 hours later we were back home, all happy
but very tired. A week later I was still feeling off, stuffy, tired,
coughy, just not myself. Thought it was strange that I was still
feeling sick when everyone else had quickly gotten over what they
had. In my mind I was already thinking and hoping about what it could
be, but I didn't want to feel that pain again if I was just getting
my hopes up for something that wasn't real, so I kept my feelings to
myself. I still had another two weeks till I could even take a test
to find out. (I have long cycles) So each week that went by felt like
forever, just waiting to see if I would start my period, maybe have
another miscarriage or wait long enough to see a positive test
result. October 1st came around and though I was trying my
hardest to wait one more day My husband talked me into taking the
pregnancy test that night before bed, and well of course you know
what the results were! I was so thrilled to see that positive
pregnancy stick.
I
started the process of getting my Dr. apointments and finding an
OB/gyn. Since my PCM couldn't deliver my baby, at the time I decided
to find a physician who could. I went on the search for someone who
would let me labor and deliver the way I wanted, plus understood why
I was making some choices about shots, delayed cord cutting, skin to
skin contact, no pitocin, etc.. While looking for an OB I was also
looking into hiring a midwife, because I had a desire to have a home
birth. It was not easy figuring them out, and my insurance coverage.
After much frustration I found out my insurance would not pay for any
midwife that did home births here in Santa fe. So in October I
started seeing a highly recommended OB here in town that had the
reputation of being very natural and open to new medical information.
At that time I was only being seen once a month, but by January I
already knew this was not the right match for me. I felt like I was
being looked down upon, treated like a new mom, and the things I
asked to take place were 'unethical'. So I was on another journey to
find out what I should do. About three week later I found out our
insurance wasn't covering the OB I was seeing, so I canceled my next
apt. with the OB and held off until I new what to do. (Long story,
not needed for this story) Part 2 click here
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