It has been 11 months since my husband
and I started to try and conceive baby number 3. With three different
times where I believed I was, but my HCG levels where not high enough
to show a positive they did not last, so I could not be 100% sure. I
have had some very emotional nights of crying, feeling unsure and
angry. With so many other woman in my life getting pregnant and
having babies, more then any other time in my life, I found myself
hiding anger towards others and becoming very jealous.
About two months ago, after one of
those times where I believed I was pregnant, I came to a realization
that I could not keep living like this. Feeling anxious every time
that time of the month was about to roll around, just wondering if I
was or not. Feeling this anger every time I turned on Facebook and
realized that 17+ friends where due in 2013. So I prayed, I just sat
on my bed and told God I needed this pain gone. I needed to feel
calmness about my life and love towards others. That the desire I had
so bad to have more babies of my own had to go away. I have no idea
when God wants us to have more, and I couldn't be holding on by a
string every month hopping and waiting.
Because it has been a while I could now
go in to the doctor and ask questions. I just wanted to know if I
could still have more, or was there something wrong? I recently found
out I am as healthy as can be. I have nothing going against me. That
is nice and all, but not really what I wanted to hear. I am being
sent to a fertility specialist. It's an hour away so who knows when
this will be.
Having two wonderful births, (though
may not have all gone the way I wanted) I learned so much about
birthing and nursing. Knowing that now living back in the states I
would be more free to labor the way I wished, I can't wait to plan
for another baby. I am strong advocate about vaginal births, and if
possible going natural. I realized today that as much of a food snob
I am, I am also the same about health during pregnancy and post birth
while nursing.
Birth, been around since the dawn of
time, but yet people are trying to change it, and woman fall for
whatever they are told, because most woman don’t educate
themselves. Woman want it all, babies, mommy hood, convince,
sexiness, #1 in the business corporation, be there at ballet
practice, t-ball practice, and the track meet. I am sorry but I don’t
think it is possible. (I am sure I will get some flack for this)
Teenage girls aren't taught what is
takes to have a baby, properly raise this child, how much you will
have to work and keep food on the table. All we see these days is how
much fun sex is. If we could teach them, maybe they would choose to
wait, instead of having all these accidental pregnancies. Then they
could make proper choices about what they put in there body. When
they do start a family, they can make healthy choices for them and
the baby. I have always wanted to work and a teen pregnancy center,
but I think I would be too forceful. I feel very passionate about
informing woman about how to take care of them selves during this
change.
With the recent birth of a new Prince,
(I will tell you I have a little obsession with the younger royals.
Nothing crazy though) I was super excited to hear that the Duchess
had a natural birth plan in mind for labor. Not only this but she
plans to take a more active role in her children s lives just as the
late Princess Diana did. She is considering not getting a nanny, and
plans to breast feed. (quite a shock, as it hasn't been done in
decades apparently.) Most recently we have heard that the Prince is taking paternity leave to spend time with his new family! I am so
thrilled to hear that this new Royal family is putting bonding with
the new baby first.
What am I most excited about?? The fact
that Duchess Catherine was brave, and came out the day after having
her baby and publicly face the world. She is not just commoner who
could come out in jeans and a T, with no makeup and a pony tail. In
most cases celebrities hid and you don’t see them tell after they
loose all there baby weight. You would have never known they just had
a baby 8 weeks ago. So woman all over the world have never seen other
woman just after birth to know what is real and right. Duchess
Catherine came out fashion forward, never looking nervous, with a
smile on her face and bravely stood out there for all the cameras to
click, as if to say, 'I am healthy, normal, happy. I just had a baby,
I am full of hormones and emotions, you will not ruin this day!'
I am so thrilled!!! Now maybe more
young mothers will know, you don’t look perfect and normal just
after having a baby. Because I never knew, and was still terrified
that after baby #3 I would be fat and not be 'normal'. I praise you
Duchess Kate, for your bravery, beauty, strength and knowledge. Did you know that OK! Magazine is now apologizing for making woman feel bad, Amazing!
Any who, till I continue the emptying of my mind tomorrow, you all have a wonderful night.
