Food Revolution!!!

Something I believe in!!!

A better reason to write,

I need to find a topic or passion that can go along with my blogging. Because otherwise All you may find are the sad journal entries of a lonely woman. After I asked this question on my FB page,

"Why do I have a blog if everyone I know already reads my FB posts?" My friend replied this,

"Lol? To keep your brain straight! And cause Facebook posts disappear eventually so if you want to see what you wrote on January 5 you need to look in your blog "aka: public diary" lol"

I like what she said, aka: public diary. well in a way that is so true. but not so good either, the only time I find that I write in a diary is when I need to vent and get something off my chest, usually so I can go to bed. But who wants to hear the sad moans of my tired day? Not very many people. I was clicking through the blogs at the top of the page yesterday when I came across a very sad blog. Many blogs have been set up but haven't been touched in months or even years, this young ladies last blog was about a year ago. She sounded so depressed and sad, no one seemed to love or help her. I was worried about her just reading her posts. www.kissesfromgod.blogspot.com in case your curious, but reading her page made me think, as much as I would like people to see me, I want to give something more and not be a cause for concern. There are many things I love, so I will try and share them more. Also note that when my husband returns I doubt my posts will be as often.

For those of you that read my thoughts, please let me know your out there.

Did you know that it is only the 30th? Who knew!!!

I didn't, I swore it was the 1 of July. We get paid on the 1, so I had plans to get a few things taken care while I was out. I kept seeing signs for the 30th, but it didn't click, I thought 'man why are they all wrong? That is so weird.' Then finally I checked my phone and it said it was only the 30th, I was so bummed. Oh well I should be home taking care of Erica anyway.

Anembryonic Gestation. (kind of descriptive, so you know)

Anembryonic Gestation, a miscarriage or pregnancy loss. A term used before four weeks of pregnancy. This is what happened to my body last night. (Of course I am not 100% sure of this, I did not have my HGC levels checked, but I am fairly certain) A loss of pregnancy will usually happen near one would have her cycle, so it may not seem out of the ordinary, it is very heavy blood flow, and may have worse cramps then normal. I had all of the above, plus it has been very clotty flow. Those were my physical shows of what was happening. Have you ever had a very uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach that just made you ache and worry? Well I had that feeling most of yesterday, I never really know what to do with that feeling, but when I remember I pray. I was out last night, and was on my way home about 9 when that feeling came back. I noticed the spotting had started when I got home.

How do I feel about this? Well if you had read any of my other posts, you would know I was kinda unsure about getting pregnant right now anyway, So this morning I thought maybe it was a good thing that it happened now, so I wouldn't be so sad about not being pregnant. But once I returned home I had time to think about it, and I was sad. The fact that I believe that that was the begining of a child, and that made me pregnant, even if only two weeks along, (from conception, 4 by a dr. calendar.) that made me cry. If I wasn't pregnant at all that would have been different, I would not have missed or lost anything.

I have seen and heard of so many woman going through tough pregnancies over the last two years that it makes me think a lot, over many different things. One thing I have been trying to do is make sure I pray anytime it comes to mind. For my friends who are pregnant, for pregnant woman I don't know, and for myself, so that we are healthy as well as our babies, now or in the future.

Anyway.... till text time and hopefully on a happier note!

Torn about the unknown.

Friday I mentioned the pregnancy thoughts that were going through my head, and truly I don't know how other woman keep it together. If there was a possibility of being pregnant how do you wait. Two weeks is not easy to wait on a period or a doctors apt. I have an apt for my daughter to have a check up at the doctors tomorrow, so I was going to go get my blood tested while I was there, figured I needed one weather I was pregnant or not, cause if I get and IUD put back in they will make me get a test. My period is never perfect but I was expecting it to start on the first, which would be Thursday. But I started spotting about an hour ago so it looks like I may not need a test in the morning to confirm any pregnancy.

My thoughts about getting pregnant are really all over the wall. I could write Pros and Cons for both for this time in my life. I was really so set and ready before my husband had his freak out a few months back, and even up until him coming home I would have still been ok with it, sorta... didn't really think much about it while he was home. It still seems that I am so on the fence. Having one now could be nice, finish having kids and raise our family, get rid of the baby stuff, no more waiting. Having one now also means still taking things slow, no camping or long vacations, no Disney World. Not having one gives us some more time to learn about the kids we already have and spend some time with them before another one comes along, that I have to say is the one thing I like the best, just having more one on one time with them. What I don't like is the uncertainty of when we would have another, I didn't want to wait long, and I didn't want to give up the idea of having no more. I like the idea of having them out of the house close to Weston's retirement. I think I am a little afraid that if we put it on pause we may not know when to press the play button again. I may have been more comforted by knowing God was in control even during a pregnancy I was unsure about, then giving up all control about when to have another. When will I learn or at least remember that I am never in control but God always has my best in mind.

¹⁴....And who knows but that you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this and for this very occasion? Esther 4:14b

I may not know the reason God has me in any one place, But I know I am there for a good reason, and he made me just for this time.

Ever wish you lived in a different decade?

There are many times I wish I lived in the 50's. On days like this,

When I have a child that most of the day nothing makes her happy for long, I wish I lived in a time when disciplining your children was not the ruling of the courts, and kids ate the food placed in front of them. Kids listened to there parents and knew when to keep quite.
I can see some saying, 'what about all your rights now as a woman' or 'what about all the technology' and etc,etc,etc.... Well, I am a stay at home, who likes it this way. Honestly I feel that I get less of a chance at life some times because everyone and their mother can hop on a computer and get this, do that,and or learn to do that. I would prefer my life to be more simplistic, I don't like it being so over whelmed with computers, cell phone, TV's, Ipod, etc. I think that this generation is to "now, gimme, gimme, gimme." and they can't just wait 5 minutes to make a PB&J sandwich, it has to be done NOW! that is why I think Erica likes peanut butter on a poon, (spoon).

(this is how I wish I was today)

Not really sure how this helps but it was cute.

My Emotions. Taken slightly different then I thought it would.

I really try to keep a routine so that things get done around my house and I don't become a lazy bum. This morning I was making the kids breakfast when I remembered a dream I would have rather have forgotten. It made my morning a little rough and more emotional then I had hoped. I try and go to the gym 3 days a week. I find that it makes my over all well being much better. But there are times that when in a highly emotional state, I feel like crying when on the treadmill, which is not something I really want to do. It has only been 10 days since my husband left to go back to Iraq, and I miss him so much. Life with kids needs to feel normal, and it does, this is a routine I have had for 10 months so not much has changed. But I am a woman with emotional needs that are not getting feed!

Before this one year deployment took place, I had a lot of opinions and most of them were judgmental and rude. Looking back so much has happened since August, at times it seems that the time has gone fast but in those times of heart ache and despair, guilt and anger, loneliness and frustration, it was the slowest time of my life! I love my husband so much and there are times when you don't really have any words to say but you just need them. Earlier in the deployment that was all I wanted, the emotional fulfillment that my husband gave me, but because he wasn't around I wasn't able to get it. At first I noticed how I was feeling and realized that I had a hard time just standing next to other men, then I was enjoying any flattery I could get. I think sub consciencely I sought it from men around me. No biggy really, just someone to laugh at a joke or smile at me, maybe tell me I looked nice in my Sunday best. This later became very destructive emotionally for me. Anytime I got attention from a guy it felt so good. I soon started talking to an old friend, that was just there for me emotionally, as time passed I had to cut off a friendship because I was relying on someone other then my husband, the man who God put there to be my helpmate, but was currently unavailable. I put my trust and emotions on someone else that should have never carried my burdens. I felt that I broke a bond and trust with the only man that should ever hold my heart. Though I have asked for forgiveness I still felt guilt for opening my heart to someone else.

I could not understand how some woman could have affaires with men and say it met nothing while there husbands were gone and not expect some kind of pain to come from it. I have seen many affaires through the military, and they are all painful, I just never understood how if you love someone you could do that. I want to make this very clear. I DID NOT have an affair!! but I understand the emotional thoughts behind it. When your husband is gone for a year, crazy things go through your mind and body. It is hard to explain, but it is just pure pain! everyone handles it different, and I think my emotions are all out and about, flying scattered about with no real path or understand about which way is up.

I dont know if you will get or understand where I am coming from, but truthfully it wasn't for you that I wrote this.

Adele - Rolling In The Deep

I love this song and wanted to share it with you. Every time I hear it I can just see this amazing dance on a dim lit stage, I really enjoy listening to her.

My evening out.

I wasn't feeing well most of the day and really wanted a nap. About 3 I finally got one. I woke about 4:45 and remembered that I signed the kids up for parents night out at the Y. Because Wes is gone it is free. I had some errends to do, so I desided to go. Don't really have the money right now to do a lot. since I wasn't feeling good I was really craving chicken noodel soup. So that is what I am doing. Eating and sitting in front of a fountian at the Y.

Pregnant???

Weston and I both thought we would try for baby #3 while he was home on R&R. The timing was just perfect. But a few months ago Weston and I had a talk about him just wanting to stick with the two we already have. I was heart broken, I had been set on trying for a third for a while and we even planed his R&R around the time I we were wanting to try. We concluded that he was just missing home and the kids and I, and He did want to try for another. Well those thoughts have been on my mind since then and it has been hard for me to be gun oh about wanting another. I also know those feeling come from being a single mom for almost a year and not wanting to do that again with 3. But I have always wanted more then 2 so that is what I have been think of. So this week I have been going pee a ton and the last few days I have been dead tired, way more then usual. So I am wondering.... could I be? But it has only been a week and a couple days. it just seems to soon to know, and I am to scared and nervous to take a test. I would be excited and surprised if I was, but maybe sad and a little relieved if I wasn't.

Also selfishly I think I would be a little torn, as much as I loved being pregnant, I am currently in the best shape I have ever been. I like being fit and tone, and that doesn't come easy. I have been working hard this year Weston has been gone to look this good. So I guess we will see in the next week what God has planned for our life. It is in His hands.

BBQ!

The one thing I get to do a lot of while Weston is gone is BBQ. I love to eat BBQ food and so I had to learn quickly that if I wanted it while Weston was gone I had to make it. When Weston was gone for 6 months in 2008, I was pregnant with Erica and I loved BBQ. We had this tiny little BBQ on our front porch, I looked at it one day and thought to myself "What is so hard about this, I am a good cook, I can BBQ" so that was when I started to have BBQ when ever I wanted! I am proud to say that I can BBQ with the best of them, and I mean it. I can truly say I have had some awful BBQ, and only know 3 men that can BBQ good food. My dad, my husband and Billy Carling. I am sure there are others that can as well, so take no offense if I haven't mentioned you.

But in any case, I love that I can BBQ and cook in the kitchen too. BBQ at my house any time.

Did you know?

I like to photograph. I have officaly started my own buisness, about three months ago. It is called Captured Beauty Photography. This is my blog if you want to see what I like to do.

http://capturedbeautyphotos.blogspot.com

I have pictures from an old 35mm from when I was in grade school. I love that you can capture feelings in a picture, the way you feel at that moment you see something. When you see a picture it can spark strong feelings inside you. Anything from love and happiness to sadness and sorrow. Pictures aren't just a way to capture beauty, but to also show future generations what life was like, to change and make others understand how you view your world. I want to show the world the beauty I see that God has given all around me.

This is my Son and I on Easter.

To me, Photography is my way of giving back beauty and love. So I started my own amateur photo business.

I have been taking pictures for as long as I can remember, but have not improved my skills, so I am hopping that over this year taking pictures of people and friends as well as a few night classes when Weston returns, I can become the photographer I strive to be. I believe that a true pro Photographer should be able to take a picture and capture the beauty you see with your own eye without having to use a ton of editing tools. Even though those can be fun and add uniqueness to a picture that is who I want to become. If you would like to use my services please give me a jingle or write me an email. My prices are on the side of my Blog page.

Did I tell you?

Yesterday my daughter did something every child does at least once. She found her new scissors and cut bits of her and her brothers hair. It could have been much worse and I am sure I overreacted. But she cut all her bangs off and a couple chunks off the back, she also did a chunk off the front of Glenn's head. I was so happy that what she did was to drastic, she managed to still have hair up front so we didn't have to fix that, but because her bangs her so short and her back was long, I couldn't help but look at her and think she looked like she was growing a mullet. So we went and got it fixed. She now has a cute pixie hair do and I think it is pretty cute. I just shaved the hair off Glenn's head. All good.

Pictures of the laundry soap. Recipe posted Below.

The soap will have a jelly like feel. it will need to be made smooth.

I used this pasta spoon, but it didn't work as well as I had hoped, A wire wisk works better.

Then I filled my bucket half full with the soap, filled it up the rest of the way with water, put the cap on tightly and shook it up. Bow it is in my laundry room ready to use. I still have 9 gallons left, this will last me a long time.

Some more pictures from Weston being home on R&R.

Happy family Photo.

Drinking some amazing drinks, called Screwdrivers.

My view at the beach.

Feeling great at the beach.

Homemade Laundry Soap.

One thing I started doing to save money was make my own liquid laundry soap. I love this idea not only because I save some green, but because I am being green! :) I really save quite a bit by doing this. It makes 10 gallons and does 180 loads for a top loader. Thought I would share the recipe I have with you. I will post a picture of what I made today later.

Homemade Liquid Laundry Soap- Front or top load machine- best value

4 Cups - hot tap water


1 Fels-Naptha soap bar


1 Cup - Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda*


½ Cup Borax

- Grate bar of soap and add to saucepan with water. Stir continually over medium-low heat until soap dissolves and is melted.

-Fill a 5 gallon bucket half full of hot tap water. Add melted soap, washing soda and Borax. Stir well until all powder is dissolved. Fill bucket to top with more hot water. Stir, cover and let sit overnight to thicken.

-Stir and fill a used, clean, laundry soap dispenser half full with soap and then fill rest of way with water. Shake before each use. (will gel)

-Optional: You can add 10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons. Add once soap has cooled. Ideas: lavender, rosemary, tea tree oil.

-Yield: Liquid soap recipe makes 10 gallons.

-Top Load Machine- 5/8 Cup per load (Approx. 180 loads)

-Front Load Machines- ¼ Cup per load (Approx. 640 loads)

*Arm & Hammer "Super Washing Soda" - in some stores or may be purchased online here (at Meijer.com). Baking Soda will not work, nor will Arm & Hammer Detergent - It must be sodium carbonate!!

Personal tips. I have found that if you boil the water before you put in the soap it melts faster and you have less sticking to the pot.

Coupons

I have been couponing for about four months. It has been a fun experiance so far. I save any where from 25$ to 90$ on a grocery trip. I haven't been taught this, I started from scratch. I am not like those people you see on TV buying things I dont use. I have recently bought a ton of body wash that will last me well into next year, but those are things that we will use and I paid 25 cents to nothing (free) for those. I am really glad that now I dont have to go out to get food every week, I have enough in my kitchen (if I wanted). I encourage you to get your Sunday paper and cut the coupons, look through the grocery ads and find what you can for cheaper or free. There are billion websites out there for helping you to learn to coupon and find great deals. here are a few.

http://www.southernsavers.com/

http://moneysavingmom.com/

http://thekrazycouponlady.com/

Here are some site that give good coupons, check them out too.

http://www.kraftfirsttaste.com/default.aspx

http://www.coupons.com

http://freebies4mom.com/

http://www.armandhammer.com/solutions/solution-7/Deodorize-Diaper-Pails.aspx

http://www.seventhgeneration.com/coupons

http://www.earthsbest.com/special-offers/earths-best-coupons

http://www.dole.com/Default.aspx#/home

Almost any brand, you can go to there website and sign up to get coupons.

Been almost a month!

As much as I like bloging. I always find something else that needs to be done. House work, kids stuff, me stuff, lazy stuff. In any case I am not much of a writer either, but isn't that the fun of a blog, not having to be perfect.

Weston left last Friday and is back in the sand box. We had an amazing time together as a family and just the two of us. Time didn't go to fast, but I still didn't want him to leave. I thought of the many things I still wanted to do but didn't get do to the day before he was leaving. I didn't take as many picture as I would have liked. I would have liked to cook more and be able to just do more. But that would need more time as well which we did not have. I miss him so much already and it is only been four days. Seems so much longer! Love you tons Weston, and We are all excited to see you soon.